How To Deal With Difficult People

webmaster@thaphlash.com (PHLASH) — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 13:29:49 -0700

Don't get Hooked !!!
When people behave towards you in a manner that makes you feel angry, frustrated or annoyed - this is known as a Hook. We can even become "Hooked" by the way people look, how they talk, how they smell and even by their general demeanour. If we take the bait then we are allowing the other person to control our behavior. This can then result in an unproductive response. We have a choice whether we decided to get hooked or stay unhooked.

Don't let them get to you.
We often allow the other persons attitude to irritate or annoy us. This becomes obvious to the other person through our tone of voice and our body language. This only fuels a difficult situation. When dealing with difficult people, stay out of it emotionally and concentrate on listening non-defensively and actively. People may make disparaging and emotional remarks - don't rise to the bait!

Listen - listen - listen
Look and sound like you're listening. - When face-to-face you need to look interested, nod your head and keep good eye contact. Over the 'phone - you need to make the occasional "Uh Hu - I See" If the other person senses that you care and that you're interested in their problem, then they're likely to become more reasonable.
Get all the facts - write them down.
Repeat back (paraphrase) the problem to ensure your understanding and to let the other person know that you are listening.
Use names
A persons name is one of the warmest sounds they hear. It says that you have recognized them as an individual. It is important not to overdo it as it may come across as patronizing to the other person. Make sure they know your name and that you'll take ownership for the problem.
DON'T blame someone or something else.
Watch out for people's egos
" Don't interrupt " Don't argue " Don't jump in with solutions " Allow them to let off steam " Don't say, "Calm down".
See it from the other person's point of view
Too often we think the "difficult" person is making too much fuss. We think - "What's the big deal; I'll fix it right away". It is a big deal for the other person and they want you to appreciate it. You don't necessarily need to agree with the person however you accept the fact that it's a problem for them.
Be very aware of your body language and tone of voice
We often exacerbate a situation without realizing it. Our tone of voice and our body language can often contradict what we're saying. We may be saying sorry however our tone and our body language may be communicating our frustration and annoyance. People listen with their eyes and will set greater credence on how you say something rather than what you say. It's also important to use a warm tone of voice when dealing with a difficult situation. This doesn't mean being "nicey- nicey" or behaving in a non-assertive manner.
Words to avoid
There are certain trigger words that can cause people to become more difficult especially in emotionally charged situations. These include: "You have to" - "But" - "I want you to" - "I need you to" - "It's company policy" - "I can't or You can't" - "Jargon" or "Buzz" words - "Sorry" - "I'll try
Stop saying Sorry
Sorry is an overused word, everyone says it when something goes wrong and it has lost its value. How often have you heard - "Sorry 'bout that, give me the details and I'll sort this out for you." Far better to say - "I apologize for �." And if you really need to use the "sorry" word, make sure to include it as part of a full sentence. "I'm sorry you haven't received that information as promised Mr Smith." (Again, it's good practice to use the person's name). There are other things you can say instead of sorry -
by Alan Fairweather

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How To Deal With Difficult People