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The important thing to realize when dealing with a difficult person is to: Deal with their feelings - then deal with their problem. Using empathy is an effective way to deal with a person's feelings. Empathy isn't about agreement, only acceptance of what the person is saying and feeling. Basically the message is - "I understand how you feel." Obviously this has to be a genuine response, the person will realize if you're insincere and they'll feel patronized. Examples of an empathy response would be - "I can understand that you're angry," or "I see what you mean." Again, these responses need to be genuine.
Build Rapport
Sometimes it's useful to add another phrase to the empathy response, including yourself in the picture. - "I can understand how you feel, I don't like it either when that happens to me" This has the effect of getting on the other persons side and builds rapport. Some people get concerned when using this response, as they believe it'll lead to "Well why don't you do something about it then." The majority of people won't respond this way if they realize that you are a reasonable and caring person. If they do, then continue empathizing and tell the person what you'll do about the situation.
Under promise - over deliver
Whatever you say to resolve a situation, don't make a rod for your own back. We are often tempted in a difficult situation to make promises that are difficult to keep. We say things like - "I'll get this sorted this afternoon and phone you back." It may be difficult to get it sorted "this afternoon". Far better to say - "I'll get this sorted by tomorrow lunchtime." Then phone them back that afternoon or early the next morning and they'll think you're great.
You don't win them all
Remember, everyone gets a little mad from time to time, and you won't always be able to placate everyone, - there's no magic formula. However, the majority of people in this world are reasonable people and if you treat them as such, then they're more likely to respond in a positive manner.
Some more thoughts
These notes are primarily designed to help deal with difficult people when we have made a mistake. We often have to deal with other people where we have not made a mistake however the people we're dealing with often prove to be difficult and unwilling to accept what we say. We therefore need to demonstrate assertive behavior that helps us communicate clearly and confidently our needs, wants and feelings to other people without abusing in any way their human rights.
by Alan Fairweather ]]> webmaster@thaphlash.com (PHLASH) http://www.thaphlash.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=276 Sat, 21 Apr 2007 13:28:06 -0700